A Kind Of Hush
by SnuggleKitten69
Summary: This is a collection of the random, often one-shot, stories and plot bunnies which traverse the neural pathways of my mind. I hope that you enjoy them. This 'story' will not be added to with any regularity.
1. Harry's Australian Adventure

**Harry's Australian Adventure**

Ron had made a serious mistake when he had abandoned Harry and Hermione. He had given the hyper-intelligent witch an ultimatum - she could come with him, abandoning Harry to his fate, or she could stay with the Boy-Who-Lived and he would be done with the both of them. He had been so certain she would beg to come with him that when she had pitched his trunk out of the tent, tore the deluminator from his belt, literally shoved him out of the tent, and then sealed the flaps, he hadn't known what to do at first. Eventually he had made it back to The Burrow.

After the hunt for the Horcruxes had ended and Harry had definitively slain the self-proclaimed Lord Voldemort, Ron knew she'd come back to him. Needless to say, he was stunned nearly senseless when Hermione and Harry explained to the two youngest Weasleys and their matriarch that neither held any affection for the two youngest and that any ill will directed at either Harry or Hermione would be met with extreme prejudice.

The two then further shocked the Weasleys when they slapped copies of both The Daily Prophet and The Quibbler on their dining table and apparated straight through the wards surrounding The Burrow.

Molly quickly unfolded The Daily Prophet, read the headline, and promptly fainted. Ginny had much the same reaction. Ron read it, his faced cycled from pale to red then to purple before he promptly fell over dead from a burst vessel in his brain's temporal lobe. He hadn't even had time to cry out.

Arthur, the Weasley patriarch, could only presume Ron had sworn some type of magical vow and, something in headline had caused his attitude towards his one-time friends to violate that vow. Arthur picked up the Prophet and read the headline – "**Man-Who-Won Marries Long-Time Love**" and the article went on to describe how Harry and Hermione had wed the previous day, their vows officiated by the new Minister For Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt.

-o-o-o-o-

Harry and Hermione, neither knowing nor caring about Ron's sudden and unexpected demise, were onboard Cunard Lines' Caronia bound for Adelaide to begin the search for Hermione's parents, whom she had told everyone who had asked that she had obliviated.

On their first night out of port, Hermione had tearfully admitted to Harry that, when the time had come to obliviate them, she could not bring herself to do so out of respect and love for them. She had essentially told them that, should they ever wish to see their daughter alive again, they had to leave for Australia that very evening.

It had been at Hermione's insistence they consummate their vows that same evening. It was two days later they had emerged from their suite to see the night sky for the first time without the light pollution from urban Europe dimming the stars to obscurity. It was truly a breathtaking sight to behold and, with her passion renewed upon seeing the Milky Way galaxy in all its glory, Hermione had dragged Harry back to their suite, where they sequestered themselves on the balcony, making love all night long beneath the stars.

Harry had decided that, since the future was still far too unknown, they had to visit the sites of Australia at least once in their lives. While Hermione shopped aboard ship, Harry read up on everything he could find on board to ensure that he and Hermione would have a honeymoon to fondly remember for many years to come, and possibly take his in-laws with them to get to know them better. That is, of course, if Hermione's parents didn't kill him outright for marrying their daughter without their presence.

They found Hermione's parents and, with deep sighs of relief, Jacqueline and Christopher loved Harry and were understanding that there had been no reasonable way they could have waited to get married due to the complexities and vagaries of Magical Europe following the downfall of Tom Riddle. They did insist upon paying for a proper, muggle wedding for Hermione and Harry upon their return to England. Of course they agreed that the four of them should have an opportunity to spend time together playing tourist while still in Australia.

Unfortunately, on their first day sightseeing, Harry began to suffer from a severe headache. Thinking it was probably just the unfamiliar air, or something he had eaten, he took two aspirin and continued their tour.

The headache didn't go away, however, so he asked Hermione the best place to go for treatment as his headache was now blinding both his concentration and his memory.

"Harry-Love, we will want to go to the emergency room at Mercy Hospital for Magical Maladies", she told him. "It is not far from here."

At the hospital, the healer insisted he remain overnight for observation and he agreed after some insistent urging from Hermione and her parents. He was assigned a room and a nun, who was an assistant healer came in to see him. He was surprised when she explained that, in Australia, New Zealand, and Tazmania, the orders within the Catholic Church were well aware of their magical cousins and often assisted them with research and could often be found in the magical hospitals and clinics throughout the Oceania.

When he told her about his headache, she asked him if he had tried the hospital's specially brewed tea – a potion, essentially, brewed of water from a magical well and a rather odd local ingredient.

"It is made from the fur of the Koala bear and has great healing properties", she said.

Harry said he was willing to try anything at that point and asked that she bring him a cup.

Presently, the nun came back in with a cup of liquid.

He thanked her and took the cup. Drinking it down to the dregs in one go, he smiled as he felt the pain in his head fade away almost instantly. He then noticed an oddity and looked in the cup. There he saw it had a mass of hair in the bottom.

Feeling rather nauseous, Harry nearly regurgitated. Swallowing back his bile, he looked incredulously at the nun.

"It's filled with hair! Couldn't you have strained it out or something?!" he asked.

The nun was indignant. She said, "Sir, I'll have you know the Koala tea of Mercy is not strained!"

Harry had no idea what he had done to deserve such punishment, but vowed to leave Australia before Jacqueline made him hasenpfeffer stew, as he had no intention of finding a hare in his soup.


	2. The Voyage Home

**The Voyage Home**

While in Australia, Harry had discovered the wonders of swimming and took to it like a dolphin.

On their return voyage from retrieving Hermione's parents, Harry discovered the ship had a pool directly beneath the funnel. At two in the morning, ship time, Hermione was asleep. Harry was awake and looked down at his bride and the love of his life. He called out her name quietly, but received no response.

Safe in the knowledge she would not even know he had gone for a short time, Harry dressed in the Speedo swim suit Hermione had insisted he wear to swim and stepped out onto the balcony. Harry apparated to the top of the funnel and looked down at the pool.

Watching the ocean waters drift passed as the vessel sailed at eighty percent power through the clear sea, he found himself thinking how much had changed in the past nine years.

Life had been desperate at Privet Drive. As far back as he could remember, Harry could remember nothing but strife and hardships. Food was scarce, his aunt, uncle, and cousin – his relatives, never his family - was abusive, and there was nothing to do before or after primary school but chores.

Every day was another filled with pain and suffering.

As a boy, he had loved to hide from his life by going to the library, but his uncle despised it when he would find that Harry had skipped out on his chores. Whenever he returned, his uncle would beat him.

However, if he didn't skip out, his uncle would find a reason to beat him regardless.

Until Hogwarts, and very nearly every summer, his life had been filled with these hardships – chores, neglect, and emotional and physical abuse, except for the secret escapes to read in the library.

Harry shook himself back to the present and realised how wonderful his life was now. He had a beautiful, devoted wife, loving in-laws who support his relationship with their daughter, and, if Hermione and Jacqueline were right, he would have his first child to hold in his arms in nine month's time.

He looked around once more, then concentrated on the pool below, trying to clear his mind of the image now burned in his head of the beautiful woman sleeping in their bed in their suite.

Harry had only ever used the pools at the various hotels they had stayed at or the diving platforms on the various beaches. He had never dived from a ship before. The gentle sway of the ship as it made its way through the ocean was magnified by the height of the smoke stack.

He had not expected this as he looked down at the pool. From one hundred forty feet, he jumped.

At deck level, the slight rolling of the ship was barely noticeable. At the top of the funnel, the gentle sway had been more than forty feet; twice the width of the pool.

He crashed through the Sport's Deck. Although it was early in the morning ship's time, several people had been out on deck, including the captain, first officer, seamen on watch, and a number of insomniac passengers.

Everyone, it seemed, had run for the stairs to see if Harry had survived or if, as they all had suspected, he had succeeded in committing suicide. They all arrived to discover a man-shaped, splintered hole in the Sun Deck. The crew of the ship directed the passengers away from the hole as the officers on deck looked down.

They were amazed that even the metal plates comprising the Promenade, Main, and A through D decks had been penetrated. They were utterly flabbergasted when they found Harry's twisted, crumpled body lying against the very hull itself, and even that was dented!

Needless to say, everyone was astonished when Harry sat up, dazed, but apparently unhurt.

The captain, horrified and apologetic, rushes forward. "My goodness! I have never seen anyone ever survive, much less shake off such a fall before! Are you feeling okay?"

Harry shook his head briefly and looked up to see all the damage he had caused to the decking and memories of having broken thing accidentally at Privet Drive came flooding back to him before he remembered Hermione sleeping above him.

He smiled at the memory and looked at the captain. "I'm fine, sir. I'm used to it. I've been through many hardships before."


	3. The Familiar Owl

**The Familiar Owl**

Madam Pince was working away at her desk when she noticed that an owl had entered the library. It was patiently waiting in front of her desk. She thought for a moment that it had to be Harry Potter's owl. When the owl saw that it had her attention, it barked, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

Madam Pince looked at the owl and, questioning her own sanity for a moment, complied. She placed three recently-returned books down in front of the owl. As she watched, the owl looked down at the books, which shrank. The post-owl bindings on the owl's leg wrapped around the now-shrunken books on their own before the owl quickly launched itself into the air and flew out the door.

She shook her head and wondered if it was appropriate to have herself examined by Poppy.

The next day, Madam Pince was again disturbed by the same owl, who had the previous day's pile of books on the desk and again barked, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

Irma Pince shook her head and wondered what the owl was doing with the books. She stood and walked to the returns bin, but Penelope Clearwater, the Head Girl and, ostensibly, her assistant, had re-shelved the books returned from the students earlier in the morning. She saw a few books which Hermione Granger had looked at just that morning and placed them in front of the owl. Again, to her amazement, the books shrank and attached themselves before the owl flew out the doorway.

The next day, the Hogwarts librarian was once again disturbed by the owl, who squawked in a rather irritated fashion, it seemed, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

By now, Irma's curiosity has gotten the better of her. She had four books she had previously selected and sat them down in front of the owl. She quickly bit into, then swallowed the potion-filled pill she had asked Severus Snape to make for her.

The potion within would allow her to track the owl wherever it went.

She followed the owl when it left the library. She followed it as it flew across the grounds. It flew over the Black Lake which required she walk along the shore.

On the other side of the lake, the owl disappeared into the Forbidden Forest. Although she had spent the better part of the last half-century confined within the walls of the school, Irma followed the owl into the forest.

Just on the other side of the first line of trees was a small marsh fed by the lake. The owl had stopped on the side of the marsh.

Madam Pince, now thoroughly curious, hurried over and saw there was a familiar-looking toad next to the owl, examining each book, one at a time. Irma came close to the two obviously-magical animals just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."


	4. Albus On The Shore

**Albus On The Shore**

Just before his death, Albus Dumbledore was walking along the shore of the Black Lake with Severus Snape.

"Severus, my boy, there comes a time…" Albus cut off as he spied a tortoise sunning itself on an exposed rock.

The elder wand flew into his hand and Albus summoned the creature from the rock before banishing it into the Forbidden Forest with a massive amount of power.

Severus, somewhat aghast at what he watched the Headmaster do, asked incredulously, "What did you do that for? It wasn't doing anything wrong!"

Albus looked benignly at Severus with a twinkle in his eye. "In the summer of 1933, that tortoise bit me on the hand," he said with certainty.

Severus was stunned. "After all these years, you can recognise it?" Severus asked amazed. "You must have an exceptional memory," Severus reflected.

"Yes," Albus replied, "I have turtle recall."


	5. Three Bears

**Three Bears**

One day, during the Horcrux hunt, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley were out foraging for food. When they returned to the clearing near their wizarding tent, they noticed three bears resting in front of the opening.

"I thought there were no bears in the UK, Hermione," Harry said.

"Those are Ursus Arctos Arctos, Harry, also known as the Eurasian Brown Bear. They were thought to have been extinct since one thousand A.D. Likely they escaped from a zoo," Hermione whispered nervously.

"Well we can't very well use magic to vanish them," Ron said with fear clear in his voice. "What do we do?" he asked, terrified.

"Well, I have a plan," Hermione said, a small smile on her face.

"Brilliant, Hermione! What's the plan?" Harry asked, amazed at just how brilliant this beautiful girl was.

"As I see it, the only way to get to the tent is to really get them angry. They will leave and we can go inside and seal the flaps," she said with certainty.

She turned to Harry. "Harry, you toss stones at the one on the left, the little cub with the broken leg. I will throw pieces of wood at the one in the middle, the little cub with one eye and a hurt paw," she then turned to Ron, "and Ron, you shout and yell and run at the one on the right, the huge mama bear with blood-encrusted claws, the big teeth, and froth around the mouth and start slapping it with the back of your hand," she finished in a whisper.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Ron exclaimed quietly. "I'm supposed to get this monster mad, and you guys get the injured cubs?! That's not fair!"

Hermione looked at him pointedly. "Now, Ron. We all have our bears to cross."

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Harry's response, as provided by Claire -_

"Besides," Harry said, "this is a tent's moment. I thought you would be more unflappable!"


	6. Flossing Lessons

**Flossing Lessons**

Married three months to the daughter of two dentists had changed many of his existing habits and added a few new ones. The one that he, Harry Potter, The-Man-Who-Won and any of a number of other hyphened-hated names, had been performing that morning was one he had only started doing but a month ago. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror as he carefully flossed his teeth.

Periodically, he would sigh "Ooh!" or "Aaah!" as the little thread did its work.

Suddenly and seemingly without provocation, his new beautiful and beloved wife stomped into the bathroom and gave him a rather firm smack on the back of his head.

Bewildered, Harry demanded, "What was that for?!"

"I'm sorry," Hermione replied somewhat stiffly, "but I just don't believe in sighing flossers."


	7. My! How They've Groan

My! How they've Groan!

Hermione and Padma Potter were cuddled together and sitting up in bed reading the latest "Potions Quarterly" when their husband, Harry, walked in and, had they noticed, clearly in rapt attention reading from one of his self-updating books.

So engrossed in their periodical, they didn't notice his arrival even when he sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted under the quilt.

Harry finished the story he had been reading and looked up to see two of his wives entwined together.

"Hello Loves. Let me know when you get to a stopping point," Harry said cheerfully. He always felt a flutter in his chest and a tightness in his groin when he saw two or more of the girls cuddled together. Neither of the girls looked up but Hermione's arm snaked possessively around Padma's waist. He discovered in their last year of Hogwarts that it was nigh impossible to pull any of the more studious girls away from the middle of some article or other.

"Good evening, Harry," they said simultaneously, "we will."

After a few more minutes, both girls looked up from the quarterly and smiled at Harry. "How was your day?" they asked, again as a duet in perfect synchronization.

Harry had spent those minutes watching the two of them read together. He watched as their eyes whisked across the pages, back and forth. He watched as Hermione quickly mouthed each word silently. It was the only way anyone else could read at the same speed as the brilliant witch with the eidetic memory. Padma, however, was the only one of his wives who could still keep up with her, even with such a, in Hermione's perspective, limiting handicap.

"Well, I began reading some truly engaging stories. The first one I read this morning was about a rotary oscillator that was destined to save the world…" he began, but trailed off as he saw a frown grow on Hermione's face and Padma's eyes begin to glaze over.

"Um…well the next story I read was about a folded piece of rice paper, support by bamboo, that save a little boy from a well…" Again, he trailed off as the frown on Hermione's face seemed to intensify and Padma yawned rather theatrically.

"Okay…finally, I just finished a story about a ventilator that…" Harry was abruptly cut off by a voice from the doorway.

"Harry James!" Luna exclaimed., her hands on her hips in a stance frighteningly reminiscent of Molly Weasley. "You should know by now that neither Padma nor Hermione at all like fan fiction."


End file.
